Icelandic CIA

Iceland Review
Feb. 24, 2006

This week Minister of Justice Björn Bjarnason called for the creation of an Icelandic Secret Service, a sort of CIA counter terrorism unit.

Although Mr. Bjarnason was hesitant to use the word terrorism when describing this new department, he defended his decision by saying: “We are giving the authorities the tools to act quicker” to follow up leads on terrorism and organized crime like human and drug trafficking.

First, it should be said that the conservative MP from the Independence Party is a bit wacky. He has advocated for an Icelandic military to protect this large rock from all those evildoers that might want to invade Iceland to, I guess, steal a bunch of lava rocks, or walk off with cheap aluminum and a sack of Björk cds.

But the times they are a changing, I guess. Iceland belongs to Schengen, so one doesn’t need a passport to enter this country from most European nations. And if a shady character ever did slip through, and an emergency arose, the police here are completely ill equipped to handle it.

Case in point: when the NATO conference was held in Reykjavik back in June 2002, the rumor circulating was that US secret service were preparing the Icelandic police for the event, and during weeks of training a large number of police fell injured.

They’re terrific at patrolling the streets of Reykjavik for drunks, and handling noise complaints, but let’s not get carried away.

Still, there was opposition to the creation of this new unit. Ögmundur Jónasson of the Left-Green party complained that if the government creates a secret service and goes to war in Iraq without allowing parliament to vote on the issues, “will they arrest me as a traitor because I’m against the government?”

No, if you speak out against the government, they’ll just tap your phones like they do in the US. Just ask those radical Quakers down in Florida who eat milk and cookies as they print leaflets calling for an end to the Iraq war.

Icelanders really don’t have to worry about being spied on, like we Americans, although a friend told me that if you use Skype, Bush and company can’t eavesdrop. (Gotta love Skype. Plus, it’s free.)

Hey, why don’t Icelanders need to worry about their phones being tapped? Because this place is so small that everyone already knows what everyone else is doing. If you’re married and having an affair, I probably know about it. If you’re going out on a Saturday night, you’ll be filmed by the numerous video cameras perched on buildings throughout Reykjavik. You can’t walk downtown without running into somebody you now. Plus, with all the alcohol consumed over the weekends, nobody can keep a secret.

I can see it now. Three members of the Icelandic special forces, after a long day tracking Osama bin Laden through the lava fields surrounding Hafnarfjordur, head to the swanky 101 bar. They meet a few women, have a few beers and a couple of shots, and before they know it they’re bragging to the ladies about their exploits in order to try and negotiate the women back to their flat for an after-party.

And let’s all hope nothing happens here on a Sunday or a Monday morning, when just about the entire nation is still sleeping off a hangover. EW