A Day in the Life of a Zeitgeist Car Salesman...

by Myway8020
Myway8020 | InfoLib
Feb. 21, 2011

[This is an absolutely hilarious comment originally posted in this thread, commenter Myway8020 details a day in the life of a Zeitgeist car salesman!]Mr Zeitgeist Car Salesman: Welcome to the Zeitgeist Car Centre sir!

Mr Consumer: Hi there, my old car just clonked out on me. Now I am looking for a new car!

Mr Zeitgeist Car Salesman: Well, we can certainly accommodate you here my good man! What sort of car are you looking for?

Mr Consumer: Well, I am interested in purchasing a 4WD actually. For you see, me and my family spend a lot of time traveling the countryside and need something that can handle the rugged terrain.

Mr Zeitgeist Car Salesman: A 4WD!!! My good man, how dare you blaspheme in the Zeitgeist Car Centre! We only sell Toyota Prius’ here. If you want a car from here, you are going to have to adjust your lifestyle accordingly!

Mr Consumer: Ah, I see. Sorry for insulting your sensibilities, how selfish of me.

Mr Zeitgeist Car Salesman: That is OK, this is a voluntary car centre, you are free to leave whenever you like.

Mr Consumer: Fair enough, but why did those men and women dressed in white place those 100kg locks on the gates after I walked in?

Mr Zeitgeist Car Salesman: Fear not my good man! Those locks are there for your own safety! They are designed to protect you from the evil corporations that are determined to pick at your poor, feeble, defenceless brain. You are safe in this place though, you can trust everyone in this place.

Mr Consumer: Great, it’s good to know there are people in this world whose first priority is to pursue my happiness; out there, everyone is just so selfish!

Mr Zeitgeist Car Salesman: No problem, we have overcome all our individual problems here you see, so now we are in a superior position to overcome yours for you, and the rest of the world’s for that matter!

Mr Consumer: Great, so getting back to the car, does the Prius come in red?

Mr Zeitgeist Car Salesman: No, they only come in dark grey; all cars are equal in the Zeitgeist Car Centre.

Mr Consumer: I see. I have to commute a fair distance to get to work, so I spend a lot of time on the freeways. How does the Prius handle at 100km/h?

Mr Zeitgeist Car Salesman: Oh no, I must tell you sir, all these cars are required to drive at precisely 50 km/h.

Mr Consumer: But what if I think I need to drive a little faster? I mean, driving a little faster is not all peaches and cream you know, it comes with more risk, stress and less free time; indeed, I have had a small accident or two driving at this speed, all while I watched my friends and neighbors enjoy the safety of driving at only 50km/h.

Mr Zeitgeist Car Salesman: Then you are a selfish, ego-driven megalomaniac who does not deserve the benefit of this fine car! Didn’t you hear me? All cars are equal in this place! If one car is capable of driving faster, then that car should be re-worked to make it drive at the same speed as the rest of the cars! It is only fair to the weakest car that we remould the strongest car in its image!

Mr Consumer: Ok, Ok. Yes you’re right; I was being selfish wasn’t I. But what if I want to drive a little slower than 50 km/h sometimes?

Mr Zeitgeist Car Salesman: Ah, you see my good man; you won’t want to drive any slower! You will want to drive at precisely 50km/h; at all times, and under all circumstances.

Mr Consumer: I don’t get it, what will be my incentive for driving at precisely 50km/h?

Mr Zeitgeist Car Salesman: Incentive? What is that then? Einstein didn’t need any ‘incentive’ to construct his theory of relatively! Therefore, it makes perfect sense that you, Mr Joe Six-Pack, would need no incentive to drive at precisely 50 km/h; at all times, and under all circumstances!

Mr Consumer: Ah, I see. Ok then, I’m sold! Can I take it for a test drive?

Mr Zeitgeist Car Salesman: Most certainly not sir! Why you would need to do that, we are telling you how well it will work for you! That is all you need to know!

Mr Consumer: Well OK then, can I at least start the car to make sure the engine is OK? Where are the keys to the ignition?

Mr Zeitgeist Car Salesman: This fine car has neither keys nor an ignition. You just think to yourself, START! and low behold, the car will turn itself on.

Mr Consumer: Wow! That is amazing! How did you design a car which could do that?

Mr Zeitgeist Car Salesman: It was easy! We just extracted the global abundance from the stratified elements of a singular disposition and strategically analysed centrally planned access super codes then organically made scarcity obsolete with stratospheric 28th century universal super technology!

Mr Consumer: Wow, that is a real mouthful! I’ll tell you what, my friend is an automotive engineer, would you mind giving me the formula’s and equations you used to build this magical car; he would be very interested to see them. Of course, he will not be able to use your ingenious invention to his advantage, as they have these ridiculous things called anti-trust laws out there.

Mr Zeitgeist Car Salesman: Ah, again, you’re reading into things too much! I just told you how we did it in simple, concise terms! No one needs to know ridiculous details like that; that is just your capitalist disposition getting the better of you!

Mr Consumer: Ok then, I’ll take your word for it. This car looks different to most cars though, what is it made of?

Mr Zeitgeist Car Salesman: This car is made entirely of gold and platinum sir! It is built to last for 1,000,000 years!

Mr Consumer: Really! I don’t think I will be able to afford such a fine car! How much does it cost?

Mr Zeitgeist Car Salesman: Cost!!! Don’t you realise where you are?!?!?! Nothing costs anything here!

Mr Consumer: C’mon, that is pretty hard to believe. I mean it must have taken a lot of time and energy to build a car like this. I mean, a lot of resources; natural, human and otherwise, must been involved in making such a fine car.

Mr Zeitgeist Car Salesman: There was, but those once finite resources have magically become abundant and what’s more, in this place, machines and people toil day and night to provide you with the best car feasibly possible, all for no reward other than your happiness!

Mr Consumer: All right, I’ll take it!!!!

20 years later...

Mr Consumer: Excuse me my good man, but this car you ‘gave’ me projected itself off a steep cliff and onto some very sharp rocks! What’s more, after it had done this, it really took on a life of its own! It grew arms and legs and pinned me down for 20 odd years, during which I had to live off some moss that had accumulated on the very sharp rocks over the previous 100-150 years. I demand a refund!

Mr Zeitgeist Car Salesman: I am sorry sir, but the Zeitgeist Car Centre went out of business some 19.99 years ago. It turned out our business model was, how shall I put it? - ‘imperfect.’ Yes - that’s the word I was looking for. But don’t worry, someday in the near future, when the computers are more sophisticated and you ‘people’ aren’t all so stupid and selfish, this fine idea of ours will work! But you must excuse me now! I have to jump over these 200 million corpses and find my way back home to collect my thoughts and start re-organizing society for you again!