'Public Option' government would cut costs, improve service

By Scott Ott (Satire)
Washington Examiner
Sep. 15, 2009

News fairly unbalanced. We report. You decipher.

White House sources said today that President Obama may soon propose legislation that would save Americans billions of dollars each year while improving service by creating a 'public option' version of the federal government.

The new entity would introduce 'choice and competition' to the lethargic big-government market, currently dominated in many areas of the country by a single player.

"The executives who work in the U.S. government now have no incentive to trim expenses, or to serve the needs of average Americans," said an unnamed White House source. "That's because they have no competition. Costs skyrocket. People get the brush off, or have to contend with miles of red tape to accomplish simple things. If the federal government had to look over its shoulder now and then because it had a scrappy competitor, that would provide incentive to improve."

Once the 'public option' federal government gets established, citizens could choose whichever they prefer, the source said, "Stay with the old, sluggish, expensive government, or switch to the new, nimble version that's subsidized by tax dollars from the old one. It's completely up to you."

"If you like U.S. Government Classic, you can keep it," he said. "No one will be forced into the public option. But if the one you have doesn't suit you, you'll no longer feel hopelessly trapped, victimized by a bureaucracy that's focused more on power and money than on the needs of citizens."

President Obama reportedly likes the plan because it can be executed "without adding a single dime to the deficit." The estimated 10-year cost of $20-$30 trillion will be funded primarily through reducing waste and inefficiency in the existing U.S. government, and by taxing the Treasury Department's tax revenues.

Examiner columnist Scott Ott is editor-in-chief of ScrappleFace.com, the family-friendly news satire site.